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Showing posts from November, 2017

I Had Sex with my Ex, Do I Regret It?

My ex and I have been apart for about a couple of months , and in all that time we have talked on the pho e, seen each other, gone over and over why we broke, said the expected "I miss yous" and the "I still Love yous" . I even had sex with someone else and told him about it. But that did not deter him when I asked him to come over, like I always do. I was horny. I was needy. Lonely. I did say I wanted to lay low for a while, stay Celibate and not think about men or sex or love. I promised myself i could hold it off, I really believed I could. But becoming celibate isn't for the faint hearted and it isn't a walk in the park either. It seems as though the minute I set the intention to be celibate, save my sexual energy and enjoy my alone time, my entire body began to fire up like Light Bolts were shooting through my skin. I felt horny for days like I have never felt before. I could have easily practiced Sexual Transmutation, used my energy for creati

He Doesn't Deserve You! What to do when You become Needy in Love

It is bad enough to want to be Loved, whats worse is wanting to be loved by someone who almost completely acts like YOU DO NOT matter. And what happens when you begin to desperately need attention from this guy is that he invariably begins to lose interest and treat you like shit some more. You find yourself on the other end of the line, calling him all the time, listening to the ringer loud in your ears as he ignores your calls. You send messages and get no replies. You begin to feel like there is something wrong with you. Who would love you? If he can't see something good about you enough to give you the love you so desperately seek then surely no one else will? The truth is men want what they cannot have and what they can have loses value when they can have it more than enough. If he continually ignores you then he surely doesn't care for you so why should you care for him? I can understand you might be lonely, you need attention, you want to be noticed. These are a

Come Over, Smoke Weed, Have Sex: Giving Up on Love, A Rant

I had to learn to stop looking for acceptance and love and fleeting pleasures on the outside. I realized I was using these things to run away , to hide from what was really eating me inside. I wanted sex, not because I cared for it but because it helped me feel like he cared for me. And I wanted him to care for me , to love me the way I hadn't yet known to Love myself. I wanted to get high , only because it helped me attain a different feeling from what was currently passing through me. I decided that night that I'd had enough. Enough of needing or wanting anything external of me. It was time to learn to love myself. To accept me. To feel the hurt and feel it anyway. To not run away from it. I was done masking it and willing it off by pretending the pain wasn't there. So I stayed in bed and cried. I cried and I prayed and I cried some more. I said "Fuck it! I am going to find out what I need and I am going to give it to me." That night I called him again. I picked

How to Find Your Passion

I have always being a do-it-all do-it-yourself person. A lot of the things I do today I am able to do them simply because sometime in the past I probably had no one to do it for me or could not afford to pay someone else so I had to learn to do it myself. Or perhaps I dabbled into it out of sheer curiosity, and this happens a lot. So I have gone through many years dabbling into this and that and trying my hands on several tasks and skills in the past.  At some point I was juggling three different creative pursuits at a time and I sure can tell you I wasn't fulfilled or exactly happy. I hit a brick wall one year when I absolutely had lost everything. I no longer knew what I was passionate about cause I had become passionate about so many things, I no longer could identify what brought me joy or what I genuinely liked to do. I had no money, I was so stiff broke, I owed rent, I had bills, and I had no food in my kitchen or in my belly. It was a bleak and hard time.  Then I